I started writing down my life goals and it turned out to be a list of places where I want to nap, but haven’t yet
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) February 12, 2018
A new year has arrived and you know what that means: Time to buy some new toys for your infant!
Picking out the perfect baby toy can be a real challenge because there are so many options to choose from and there is no room for error. It is critical that you select toys that will challenge your baby intellectually and are sufficiently resistant to drool.
Read MoreHaving a newborn can be tricky. Primarily because at first glance (and perhaps second, third, and fourth glances) newborns don’t seem to do much of anything. I mean, not only do they not move around much or talk, newborns are even really terrible at holding their own heads up. Heck, I’m pretty sure I heard that newborns don’t even know that their hands and feet belong to them or something. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re in charge of someone who has no neck strength and can’t even figure out where their hands are?
Lucky for you, I’ve been through the newborn stage three times now and I’ve come up with a solid list of fun activities for you and your new bundle of joy to bond over.
Read MoreSo far, so good. About a week into this third child thing and everything is going pretty okay. Perhaps the best part, which I stupidly didn’t even think about until the new baby arrived, is that I can now refer to our family as a party of five. This is really great for one reason and one reason only. Party of Five is one of my all-time favorite television shows and I’ve been really sad for the past sixteen years since it was canceled. I guess you could say this new family nickname is the first step in my healing process. It feels good.
Read More1. Watch wife have the baby.
2. Go home and get kids 1 and 2 to sleep.
3. Stop in Dunkin Donuts outside the hospital at 9 p.m.
4. Look on quizzically as a guy walks in to the otherwise empty store, tells the cashier he used to eat at the store 25 years ago, and immediately starts to show off pictures of himself with various celebrities including Lebron James, Mariah Carey, and Floyd Mayweather. Shrug and smile awkwardly as he asks each of you in turn if you know someone or something named Pretty Boy Floyd.
5. Stand in line at hospital security. Hand over ID to security guard. When he asks boy or girl, answer girl. When he asks first? Answer no, third, two boys before. Smile awkwardly as he tells a meandering story that seems to suggest he might have recently participated in the murder or maiming of a friend's sister's estranged boyfriend. Nod in agreement that yes, it is good for a girl to have brothers for protection not because you have a strong opinion on the matter, but because you're a little scared right now. Instantly regret answering his questions with more than yes or no.
6. Hold your baby girl and think about not leaving the house after dark anymore.
I feel like my whole life has been but a rehearsal for this moment. All those hours spent toiling in solitude–well, as much solitude as a guy can get when there’s always a giant person chasing you around and interrupting your process–are about to pay off. It is finally my time to shine.
Read MoreBut hold me fast, Hold me fast,
'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer
The last several weekends, usually early on Sunday mornings after another harrowing night starring a restless just-turned-1-year-old, I roll out of bed, load the big guy into his car seat, and set out for a driving tour of central Florida to give Mommy an hour or two of rest. I once looked upon this as a bit of a chore, preferable to trying to keep the baby quiet in the house, but still nothing to look forward to. This past Sunday though, it felt different.
Read MoreFew things in life are quite as ridiculous as birthday parties for 1-year-olds. Think about it. Besides weddings, where else is a central protagonist of a celebratory event more irrelevant or overlooked? Nowhere. Grooms and 1-year-olds, that’s the list.
Read MoreIn honor of B’s birthday week, welcome to another installment of our new favorite series: Things B Does That Annoy Us. Just kidding! It’s definitely nothing personal; any parents out there who have had a difficult sleeper will understand the struggle. For those of you who don’t have or have never had a B, go back to watching The Bachelor on TV while eating bon-bons or whatever it is you do at night.
Read MoreWith our little guy’s first birthday fast approaching, I figured it was about time to shout him out on the old blog. Being the younger sibling can be hard; it’s definitely difficult to claim your fair share of the spotlight when yourolder brother often writes, directs, and stars in the screenplay that is our life.
Read MoreBecause there seems to be a fair amount of confusion about what two small children and a father could possibly do all day without a mother around, I wanted to take this opportunity to offer a peak behind the curtain at our typical day. Full disclosure: In true reality TV fashion, some of the events portrayed here may have been compiled from several days to produce a smoother and more enthralling narrative, a very small portion may have been exaggerated, and an even smaller portion may have been totally made up. But, I promise, at least 87% of what follows is true and accurate.
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