Bewildering Bedtime Conversations
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My 5-year-old and I have many deep and profound conversations at night while we’re lying in his bed. Well, deep and profound might be a bit of a stretch, but they are sometimes interesting, and I often learn a thing or two about his day.
He typically begins at the beginning and works his way through the day in roughly chronological order. It’s not always easy to follow, because he jumps around some and he usually tosses out questions that are tangentially related to actual events, but if I really lock in and pay attention, I can kind of keep up.
Often, when we’re a good fifteen minutes or more into bedtime, he’ll ask a question about some event and I’ll be like, “Oh no, he’s only made it up to 8:20 A.M.”
On those restless nights, I tug the heavy plush comforter up over my legs a little tighter, try to position myself so the plastic edge of the race car bed doesn’t dig so deeply into my kidneys, and let the stream of verbiage wash over me knowing that we’re going to be here awhile.
Other nights, I’m in and out rather quickly. Of course, even on the nights he falls asleep without too much talking, I sometimes emerge from his bedroom, a little bleary eyed and stiff, knowing less than when I entered.
Take one recent night for example.
“Daddy, does a crush…Daddy…does a crush mean love?”
I wasn’t expecting this question. He didn’t even need to interrupt himself, as he is wont to do, to make sure I was paying attention by inserting my name an extra couple of times. I was already intrigued.
“Um, I guess it can,” I replied hesitantly.
I had no clue where this was going, so I felt it was wise not to dive in headfirst. Kind of like if you’re about to jump into a pool or lake and you can’t see the bottom. It’s smart to wade in slowly.
“Well, can it also mean a friend?” he asked.
“Ah! Now I see where this is going,” I thought. “The little fellow has an admirer and he’s trying to figure out what it means. Or perhaps he fancies someone else. Either way, time for a bit of good old-fashioned fatherly advice!”
“Absolutely, it can,” I said, practically beaming. I was straight killing this unexpected parental challenge. I was about to go all woke dad up in here and use this as a teaching moment. I began to plan my next words.
“Maybe I could say something like, ‘Your friends at school might talk about crushes, and even adults might say it too. But really, son, at your age, the best crush of all is a good, reliable friend.’”
I gathered my breath to speak. Taking a moment to look around at the dark room: the projector nightlight glowing on the ceiling, the small fan resting against the wall, whirring away, and the trusty rocking chair a hulking mass of memories in the middle of the floor. It was going to be so great when I dropped this knowledge.
However, my son beat me to the punch.
“Daddy, can it be a police officer?”
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…
…
I have to admit, this was a curveball.
“Umm, I mean, I guess?” I replied with absolutely no conviction.
Without moving my head from the pillow, I glanced sideways to take in his expression. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone quite so pleased.
He smiled and nodded contentedly before rolling over to face the window. He was asleep within minutes.
I, however, was not asleep. I had many things to consider. And weeks later, I’m still considering.
What is a crush, really? Can it be a friend? And most of all, is this police officer an actual person or just a prototype?
The world may never know. Because, I’ll level with you, I’m not going to ask.
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