A Return Visit to the Fall (Wait...Winter) Fair
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I did it again. I took my children to the local fair last weekend.
I’m sure you’re probably asking, “Andrew, why?” And also, “Didn’t you say the local fair was during the fall?” Or, “What are you talking about?”
Those are great questions and I’m proud of you for asking. Well, the first two are great questions. Whoever asked the last one, how dare you!
Of course, this intro pre-supposes that you are a very loyal reader of mine and you have a long memory. I wrote a few years ago about the unexpected anxiety of fall festival season. In that story, I described the experience of being ambushed by the appearance of a fair near our home and being coerced by strongmen (my 2- and 4-year-olds) to attend.
Anyway, I wasn’t caught off guard as much this time around—I heard about the fair before we saw it—but I was surprised by the timing. Did they move it to winter? Did I misremember the timing when I wrote the previous story and just assumed it was fall because that is when fairs are supposed to be?
No matter the reason for my confusion, the important thing was that the fair was back, and I was about to bankrupt my bank account and sanity again. It’s how I roll.
A cold, sunny Sunday morning gave way to a beautiful and temperate afternoon as we pulled into the fair parking lot. The fair had just opened for the day, but the parking lot was already very crowded, which I was happy to see. I learned last time that an empty fair gave fair workers more opportunity to prey on my inability to say no to anyone.
As is tradition, we took seven or eight minutes to exit the car upon arrival. The unusual need for coats and socks and shoes made it even more clown car-like as we spilled out of the passenger doors and the trunk in various states of dress. Eventually, we made the short walk from our parking spot to the fair entrance and proceeded to walk the length of the relatively short line of rides and games to get a feel for the place.
There were little kid rides at the front, snack booths in the middle, overpriced and rigged games with stuffed animal bounties on display interspersed throughout, and vomit-inducing rides toward the back. My kids were all in agreement. It was even more fantastic than they remembered. Of course, it was my 3-year-old’s first time, so she was suitably pumped to get the call up to the big leagues.
After taking it all in, I marched up to the ticket booth with confidence and asked if the unlimited ride wristband was good for all the rides. I realize this was a dumb question, but I felt like I needed something to ask. Seems rude to jump right into handing over your life savings. Long story short, we got three unlimited wrist bands, which, as it turns out, were good for every ride EXCEPT the one the boys really wanted to do (the bungee bounce). An inauspicious start, but thankfully things got better.
We started out with the little kid rides so the 3-year-old could dive right in. Sadly, my oldest was too tall for a couple of these rides so he had to watch from the sidelines (sad face emoji with a tear…the passage of time is savage). But, he did have fun trying to high five his siblings while they rode on jet skis.
We then moved onto the more hardcore rides. All three kids rode the dragon roller coaster and it was a raging success. They went two times in a row, and no one fell out or cried. Later, the boys rode a few rides on their own and the 5-year-old even went on the hang glider ride solo.
In between all that, I successfully parried their requests to play the rigged games for the chance to win a genuine plush shark for ten dollars. I’m not sure how I managed it, but we didn’t play a single game. I even convinced myself not to play the basketball game because those hoops aren’t regulation size and even though I probably would’ve swished it like Steph Curry anyway, winning the genuine plush zebra wasn’t worth opening the door for game play by the children.
Parenting is all about self-sacrifice, isn’t it?
But this second foray to the local fair did prove that this parenting thing does get easier in some ways. Well, at least in one very specific way. Navigating a fair is less stressful when your kids are eight, five, and three rather than four and two. There is hope for you, parents of young children! Your day will come.
And that day will be filled with rickety rides, expensive snow cones, a box of popcorn, and sadly, no attempts at the basketball game because you don’t want to open up that can of worms. Most importantly, though, it will be filled with laughter and fun and memories that will last a lifetime. Or at least three or four days. As a parent, it’s important to keep your expectations in check.
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