PRO/CON: Participating in this Ridiculous Charade of Smashing a Cake at My First Birthday Party

A real visual for a fictional piece

Pro: This cupcake icing appears to be sufficiently garish in color to stain my face, hands, and entire body neon blue for at least three weeks.

Con: I might have to take a bath later.

Pro: I might get to take a bath later!

Con: Agreeing to perform on command like I’m their trained monkey sets a dangerous precedent.

Pro: I do love my parents. They are so good to me. Smashing this cupcake in an adorable manner will provide them with a comforting memory when they are old and dying.

Con: I hate my parents!

Pro: This strange woman is looking at me funny and is way too close to my face. Throwing cupcake in her eye will both back her off and please my parents greatly.

Con: Wait, is that a dog?

Pro: It is!

Con: But my parents won’t let me ride the dog. I will do nothing to appease them!

Pro: She’s looking at me again. I’m going to do it.

Con: I never realized that my hands looked like this. Are my fingers always this stubby?

Pro: OMG! Here comes the doggy again! Eeeekkkk!

*Beats hands against tray in excitement*

Con: I almost smashed it by accident. I need to control my emotions. Everyone will be so smug if I smash the stupid cake by mistake. I’d never live that down. Mom and Dad would be all like, “I remember your first birthday when you smashed your cake on accident. You were so dumb back then.”

Pro: I want to smash something right now and this ridiculous thing is sitting right here in front of me!!

Con: They’re never going to let me out of this chair no matter what I do!

Pro: That’s it. I’m going for it. I’m overthinking this.

Con: On second thought, no. Think I’ll just push it off onto the floor and cry. That’s always a good play.

Pro: Waaaaaaaah!! Nailed it.