Fun Things to Do With Your Newborn

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Fun Things to Do With Your Newborn

Having a newborn can be tricky. Primarily because at first glance (and perhaps second, third, and fourth glances) newborns don’t seem to do much of anything. I mean, not only do they not move around much or talk, newborns are even really terrible at holding their own heads up. Heck, I’m pretty sure I heard that newborns don’t even know that their hands and feet belong to them or something. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re in charge of someone who has no neck strength and can’t even figure out where their hands are?

Lucky for you, I’ve been through the newborn stage three times now and I’ve come up with a solid list of fun activities for you and your new bundle of joy to bond over.

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Party of Five

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Party of Five

So far, so good. About a week into this third child thing and everything is going pretty okay. Perhaps the best part, which I stupidly didn’t even think about until the new baby arrived, is that I can now refer to our family as a party of five. This is really great for one reason and one reason only. Party of Five is one of my all-time favorite television shows and I’ve been really sad for the past sixteen years since it was canceled. I guess you could say this new family nickname is the first step in my healing process. It feels good.

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18 Things to Do the Day You Bring Your Third Child Home From the Hospital

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18 Things to Do the Day You Bring Your Third Child Home From the Hospital
  1. Panic.
  2. Drive from your house to the hospital. You were at your house because you still have to spend some time with the other ones. When you get to the hospital, open the trunk to your family vehicle and realize you have left the baby's car seat at home. Drive back home. Repeat; this time with the car seat. Don't sweat it too much because these minutes in the car are the last ones you will spend by yourself for the rest of your life.
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6 Things to Do the Day Your Wife Has Your Third Child

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1. Watch wife have the baby.

2. Go home and get kids 1 and 2 to sleep.

3. Stop in Dunkin Donuts outside the hospital at 9 p.m.

4. Look on quizzically as a guy walks in to the otherwise empty store, tells the cashier he used to eat at the store 25 years ago, and immediately starts to show off pictures of himself with various celebrities including Lebron James, Mariah Carey, and Floyd Mayweather. Shrug and smile awkwardly as he asks each of you in turn if you know someone or something named Pretty Boy Floyd.

5. Stand in line at hospital security. Hand over ID to security guard. When he asks boy or girl, answer girl. When he asks first? Answer no, third, two boys before. Smile awkwardly as he tells a meandering story that seems to suggest he might have recently participated in the murder or maiming of a friend's sister's estranged boyfriend. Nod in agreement that yes, it is good for a girl to have brothers for protection not because you have a strong opinion on the matter, but because you're a little scared right now. Instantly regret answering his questions with more than yes or no.

6. Hold your baby girl and think about not leaving the house after dark anymore.