Bedtime Routines

Anybody out there have an interesting bedtime routine?

I think mine is pretty normal. Probably most of you can relate. I floss and brush my teeth, then take out my contacts while swirling my mouthwash (Listerine, mint flavored) for 30 seconds. Then I hop into bed with my phone and check my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to see if I have any mentions. When I find, inevitably, that I don’t have any mentions and everyone hates me, I open my email and delete all the spam emails that have built up in the intervening seven minutes since I last checked. That always cheers me up. 

Then I plug my phone into the charger that now stays by my bed. 

[Quick aside. Big news: we just received three more phone chargers that we ordered on Amazon from China. Slow delivery, but the price was right. I had so much fun deciding where to position the new chargers (the four we already had plus the new three). In case you are wondering: kitchen, beside bed in master bedroom, other side of bed in master bedroom, upstairs bedroom, each of two cars, and crazy wild card to move around as needed.] 

Anyway, after I lie down for a few minutes, I unplug my phone one last time to check for any social media mentions. Once again I find none, plug my phone back in, and go to sleep.

Pretty boring, I know. There is, however, one person in our house who has a more unique routine. It goes something like this…

1. Demand to be chased and caught in order to put on pajamas and brush teeth.

2. When caught, as previously directed, cry and pout.

3. Sometimes, if feeling particularly agreeable, put on pajamas and brush teeth.

4. After housemate pours milk into a bottle, make like a birdie and flutter up onto the kitchen counter, set bottle on exactly the middle of the rotating plate in the microwave, enter 3-5-Start.

5. Ponder for 35 seconds how old is too old to drink milk from a bottle.

6. Grab the warm bottle from the microwave, give it a couple shakes to see if there’s milk in it, and flutter down from the counter like a birdie.

7. Locate blanket and say, “Let’s all go lay down in the other bed.”

8. Head upstairs as a group, sometimes linked together as a train, sometimes in bird-like arrow formation, whatever the mood dictates.

9. Arrive at the room that houses the other bed. Say, “Turn on the light.”

10. With the light on, claim the near side of the other bed and invite housemates to join.

11. Drink milk while making shadow animals on the wall if lighting allows. Ask housemate to locate tag on blanket.

12. When finished drinking, instruct housemate to “make a finish line” with blanket on the floor across threshold of bedroom.

13. Ask other housemate to provide a ride to the bedroom because “too tired to walk.”

14. Organize one yard race from other bed bedroom to bedroom. Be sure that all housemates cross the finish line simultaneously and win.

15. Receive hug and a kiss from both housemates. Tell one housemate to “be in the other bed, these times (holding up ten fingers), until the sun comes up.” Tell the other housemate to “make a tent and put the remote control car in it so I can play with it tomorrow and a comb in case I need to comb my hair.”

16. Go to sleep.

That’s about how everybody does bedtime, right?