The Chaotic Loneliness of Parenting
/It's a bit of a paradox, really.
Read MoreI started writing down my life goals and it turned out to be a list of places where I want to nap, but haven’t yet
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) February 12, 2018
Writing about parenting, fatherhood, life, and all things ambiguous
I Had COVID and Also Fell Down the Stairs
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This is clickbait, but also factually accurate.
Read MoreTrying to Find Small Adventures to Keep Us Sane
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Most days distance learning is an unbearable slog, but some days it is an unbearable slog with geocaching at the end.
Read MoreTotally Convincing Explanations for Why the Elf on the Shelf Didn't Move Last Night
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"Is it possible that Mr. Elf did move, but then moved back to his original position because this spot is just so darn cozy? I mean, when you’re perched atop a grandfather clock with your little red legs hanging over the face, why would you ever move?”
Read MoreMy Kids Just Don’t Understand How to Be Sick
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Children are great at many things. They are infinitely creative, see the wonder in even the most mundane, and can often hide in very small spaces. When it comes to being sick, however, children are terrible. At least mine are.
Read MoreIs Parenting as Hard as Being Blown Up?
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I was at the playground with my 3-year-old daughter one day recently when I was informed that parenting is harder than being hit with an improvised explosive device. I have to admit, even though I’m pretty numb because weird things happen at the playground all the time, I was a bit taken aback.
Read MoreHow Writing Makes Me a Better Parent
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Parenting is hard. It’s physically and emotionally draining. The days can feel endless, and perhaps even worse, the nights can feel even longer. Is there something longer than endless? Yes. Webster’s defines “longer than endless” as nights spent with children who don’t sleep and also the amount of time it takes for children under age seven to get dressed in the morning.
Read MoreShow-and-Tell? More Like Show-and-Dominate.
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For most families, preschool show-and-tell is an afterthought. Typically, the children at our school bring an assortment of seemingly random toys and items that might or might not have any connection to the weekly themes. For our family, show-and-tell is also an afterthought, but a very competitive one.
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The Rock
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There’s this game my two sons love to play every time they get out of the shower or bath. And, to be clear, I am using “game” in the loosest most 3- and 5-year-old sense of the word. Parental torture activity is another term I could use. I’m not sure when or how it started exactly, but as is often the case with kids, it quickly became an indispensable ritual.
Read MoreWe’re Running Out of Time
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Our oldest child, Jacob, starts kindergarten next month. The public elementary school he will be attending has a Spanish immersion program in which roughly half of the school day is taught in Spanish and half in English. I was very excited when I found out about this program because I’ve always wanted my kids to master a second language. Besides having a bilingual parent, which he doesn’t, what better way to accomplish that goal than to start young? And to have it right there at his public school. Perfect.
Read MoreBoxing Days
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As it turns out, parenting is mostly buying stuff in giant cardboard boxes and then making room in your house for the empty cardboard boxes to live for about a month or so. Most recently for us the boxed purchase was a red car bed for our soon-to-be 3-year-old.
Read MoreJanuary Round-Up
/As we reach the end of the first week of our new nightmare reality, why not take a few moments to click on these links and read some things I wrote this month elsewhere on the internet. If you haven't read them yet, that is, or even if you have. You know you want to...
Father "Kind of Bummed" He Didn't Receive Praise From Strangers While Shopping With His Children - MockMom
6 Parenting New Year's Resolutions You're Sure to Break by 9:30 A.M. on January 1st - MockMom
How to Get Your Baby Started on Solid Foods in 10 Easy Steps - Parent.co
The Cover Letter of a Fox Applying for the Job of Hen House Guard - Robot Butt
I Fully Support This Active Volcano in My Neighborhood Because I Think We Need Change - Robot Butt
5-Year-Old Thinks Poop Joke is Hilarious - MockMom
Golden Globes "In Memoriam" Tribute Rumored to be 30-Minutes Long - MockMom (Joke is on me for this one. Turns out the Golden Globes don't even have an in memoriam. Oops.)
Weird Food, Inc.
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I realized the other day that I recently ate curry for four consecutive meals. For those of you scoring at home, it was a sweet potato, potato, and garbanzo bean curry served over Basmati rice. And yes, if you were wondering, that consecutive meal streak did include one breakfast. While I used to cook a reasonable variety of foods, this curry is about the only decent and somewhat new thing I ever make anymore. Otherwise, my repertoire is pretty stale and consists of the same three or four meals I’ve been routinely cooking for the past ten plus years. So, eating it four meals in a row doesn’t seem unreasonable. Plus, I usually don’t care what I eat these days because I have kids. Yeah, did you remember that? It’s pretty much why we’re all here.
Read MorePoop on a Stick
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I posted on Facebook a few months ago a picture of my then 3-year-old feeding green beans (I think) off his plate to his 1-year-old brother with the caption: “That moment when you find that person in your life who will eat your green beans for you.” That was definitely a great moment for my son. Frankly, I knew it would be difficult to top. When you’re a picky eater and your brother turns out to be a human garbage disposal, that’s pretty huge. However, I think last week we might’ve surpassed it.
Read MoreLiving With Small Children: A Series of Vignettes
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Over the past few weeks I’ve been collecting some snippets of daily life to share. Because, no matter who you are, it’s always good to remember how ridiculous living with small children is. So, without making any attempt at creating any flow or narrative arc, I’m dumping them here for your reading enjoyment (or not). You might have seen some of these on my Facebook or Twitter, but let’s be honest, no you haven’t. Also, some are more or less word-for-word accurate and others are livened up a little. You can decide which are which.
Read MoreIn Which I Drive a Miniature Car and It Makes Me Think About My Feelings
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So I went go kart racing the other day. No, seriously, I did.
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